Tuesday 27 January 2009
The Waiting Game
Finally got round to making a book. Not for my son , but its for my friend's daughter. Its a story book about her .. with silly poems written by me and with pics of her in different moods. The book took about a week to put together. Did it on Blurb. And now the worst bit is on.. the waiting . I have been crossing off days since I ordered it. Everyday I go and check information about Shipping. Hmmm 4-7 days .. does it mean working days ? Oh no thats atleast 3 more days. Is the font ok ? I should have taken a sample print on my printer. Will the pics come out ok ? Will she like it ? The worries grow as the days go by. Oh I just wish the days would whizz by. Its almost like birthday time ... when you wait with bated breath for your gift !!! Everytime the postman passes by I almost pounce on him to check his bag. Any mails ? Are you sure ? Its quite small maybe its at the bottom of the bag. Don't you want to check again ? They now have a restraining order put out for me !!!
Friday 2 January 2009
Promises
This year I join the millions of people around the world in setting up a list of things I wish to change about myself. A list of my resolutions. New years have come and gone and I am left clutching the resolutions of the year that went ... and still I go and make new lists each year hoping this year will be better than the last. Hope, that is what life is built on, because if there is no hope there is no reason to live. So whats on my list this year ?
* Less envy : We spend 70% of our lives looking at someone else's life and hoping we could live it. Thats 70% of our own lives gone down the drain. So this year I am just going to live the life I have been given and live it 100%. I may not be the greatest but atleast i can give it my best shot.
* Less baggage : I am in office and I spend most of my time feeling guilty about my son at home. I am at home and I spend time feeling guilty about the work pending in office. So much excess baggage is carried all around the place, there is no space for happiness. No more hang-ups no more tensions no more stress.
* More smiles : I have almost forgotten how it felt to laugh out loud. A smile may not solve all my problems but it will make things a lot easier. No more nagging and cribbing(well now thats a lot to ask for... lets see less nagging and less cribbing)
* Less me More We : Love shared is love multiplied. Need to open my heart and start loving everyone ... not just that small circle that is MY family.
* More adventures : Need to explore more and do something a bit out of the ordinary. A nice adventurous holiday is on the cards.
More me time : Just some time to pamper myself. Will read some new book (advice appreciated), nice beauty treatment (seriously need one) , nice good outfit (any size 0's out there ?)
* Less anger : This short fuse will have to burn a little longer. The sharp tongue will need to be a little blunt. No more jumping to conclusions and getting hurt by the remarks made by friends and family. No more sarcastic comments. Will just let go. People who know me really well will know how tough this is for me. I am one cat with sharp nails ;).. so this one is going to be really tough.
In short more life. Lets see how this goes ...
There are some more mundane ones
like
* making the video of my son. Bought a mac but I still haven't done a thing with it.
* making a photobook of OUR family (see that was easy). Downloaded n s/w but no book yet.
* thinking of a nice romantic gift for my anniversary and hubby's bday (now that is really tough.. since he usually buys the stuff he wants himself !!!)
* compiling my list of stories. Had written a few, but they just got kept aside
* cleaning my wardrobe. This should be top of the list since it just gets piling on. To my defense ,every few weeks I clean it, and the very next day it gets messed up.
* cleaning the attic. Old clothes and toys. V hard to part away with esp since they belong to Aki. But need some space and so have to do it.
....
I hope I live up to some of them...
Anyways Happy New Year to the World
From the Khanolkars and the Narayanans
* Less envy : We spend 70% of our lives looking at someone else's life and hoping we could live it. Thats 70% of our own lives gone down the drain. So this year I am just going to live the life I have been given and live it 100%. I may not be the greatest but atleast i can give it my best shot.
* Less baggage : I am in office and I spend most of my time feeling guilty about my son at home. I am at home and I spend time feeling guilty about the work pending in office. So much excess baggage is carried all around the place, there is no space for happiness. No more hang-ups no more tensions no more stress.
* More smiles : I have almost forgotten how it felt to laugh out loud. A smile may not solve all my problems but it will make things a lot easier. No more nagging and cribbing(well now thats a lot to ask for... lets see less nagging and less cribbing)
* Less me More We : Love shared is love multiplied. Need to open my heart and start loving everyone ... not just that small circle that is MY family.
* More adventures : Need to explore more and do something a bit out of the ordinary. A nice adventurous holiday is on the cards.
More me time : Just some time to pamper myself. Will read some new book (advice appreciated), nice beauty treatment (seriously need one) , nice good outfit (any size 0's out there ?)
* Less anger : This short fuse will have to burn a little longer. The sharp tongue will need to be a little blunt. No more jumping to conclusions and getting hurt by the remarks made by friends and family. No more sarcastic comments. Will just let go. People who know me really well will know how tough this is for me. I am one cat with sharp nails ;).. so this one is going to be really tough.
In short more life. Lets see how this goes ...
There are some more mundane ones
like
* making the video of my son. Bought a mac but I still haven't done a thing with it.
* making a photobook of OUR family (see that was easy). Downloaded n s/w but no book yet.
* thinking of a nice romantic gift for my anniversary and hubby's bday (now that is really tough.. since he usually buys the stuff he wants himself !!!)
* compiling my list of stories. Had written a few, but they just got kept aside
* cleaning my wardrobe. This should be top of the list since it just gets piling on. To my defense ,every few weeks I clean it, and the very next day it gets messed up.
* cleaning the attic. Old clothes and toys. V hard to part away with esp since they belong to Aki. But need some space and so have to do it.
....
I hope I live up to some of them...
Anyways Happy New Year to the World
From the Khanolkars and the Narayanans
Peace
'When will this pain go ? When will this heartache stop' thought Sunitha as she lay there looking at the little trickle going past her toes. Somedays the ache was so bad she would cry loudly to dull it. Today even that wasn't working. She had tried hard to analyse what had gone wrong. Life had started pretty much as usual. Happy family, good husband , a smart son. But something had gone wrong and she couldn't understand how and she was too tired to figure it out now. Seemed like a million reasons for her pain. Nikhil, the love of her life .. she could still remember those old days. He was such a romantic back then. Wooing her with flowers on her birthday and lovely cards. The diamond engagement ring and the chain. She could still feel a tingle thinking about the wedding. They seemed to happy and so full of life. They were in love. Where did that love go ? When did it die ? When did those sweet words turn to bitter fights ? When did those looks filled with love and lust turn to barbs of hatred. Sex had turned to an obligation and soon that too was forgotten. There used to be days when Nikhil couldn't keep his hands off her ... now he has control his urge to raise his hands and hit her.
Everything had changed. When did I change from the sweet loving daughter-in-law to this monster filled with venom and hatred ? She remembered her first tentative steps into Nikhil's house as a new bride. There was love and anticipation and excitement. His mother had looked lovingly at her and proclaimed she was the happiest mother-in-law in the world. Maybe I should ask how she feels now ? thought Sunitha. Her in-laws could hardly look at her in the face. They tried and avoided her .. especially in this new mood that she was in. The Raging Bull or rather Cow. The only reason they stayed together was for their grandson, the love of their life. Akhilesh the love of my life sighed Sunitha ..my life my blood ..she said as the trickle slowly gathered force. The thought of her son, Akhilesh, brought more pain ... Why does love cause so much pain ? Why won't it end ? Those pills that the doctor gave me don't seem to help anymore. Like any mother all she wanted was for her son to be happy. He needs someone better than me. It won't be long before those endearing eyes start to question her like the others. Won't be long before the total absolute love he has is slowly replaced by the hatred that everyone around her had. I am like a disease. I infect everyone with sorrow and hate. Hate that seems to be the only emotion she had now. That and noise seems to fill her world. So many noises so many voices shouting at her. Voices from the past and present. She couldn't tell them apart any more. Sunitha Sunitha where are you ? Where is my shaving kit ? She could hear Nikhil asking . Her ears were ringing. Laughter ..sound of laughter. That was Akhilesh playing with his grandparents. Bless him. Let him smile and be happy forever. The cooker was going off. Mom will take care of it. She takes care of everything. Bless her for it.
Sunitha Sunitha. The calls were getting more frantic ... as the trickle became a river ... swirling round her toes and gushing into the drain. The noises were slowly fading. Bang bang bang that was Nikhil at the door. Sunitha open the door. Right now. Sunitha. The bangings were getting more frantic.... but they were slowly fading into the background. Things were slowly getting quiet. She could feel nothing but peace. So this is peace ... this is oblivion .....finally I am free.
Everything had changed. When did I change from the sweet loving daughter-in-law to this monster filled with venom and hatred ? She remembered her first tentative steps into Nikhil's house as a new bride. There was love and anticipation and excitement. His mother had looked lovingly at her and proclaimed she was the happiest mother-in-law in the world. Maybe I should ask how she feels now ? thought Sunitha. Her in-laws could hardly look at her in the face. They tried and avoided her .. especially in this new mood that she was in. The Raging Bull or rather Cow. The only reason they stayed together was for their grandson, the love of their life. Akhilesh the love of my life sighed Sunitha ..my life my blood ..she said as the trickle slowly gathered force. The thought of her son, Akhilesh, brought more pain ... Why does love cause so much pain ? Why won't it end ? Those pills that the doctor gave me don't seem to help anymore. Like any mother all she wanted was for her son to be happy. He needs someone better than me. It won't be long before those endearing eyes start to question her like the others. Won't be long before the total absolute love he has is slowly replaced by the hatred that everyone around her had. I am like a disease. I infect everyone with sorrow and hate. Hate that seems to be the only emotion she had now. That and noise seems to fill her world. So many noises so many voices shouting at her. Voices from the past and present. She couldn't tell them apart any more. Sunitha Sunitha where are you ? Where is my shaving kit ? She could hear Nikhil asking . Her ears were ringing. Laughter ..sound of laughter. That was Akhilesh playing with his grandparents. Bless him. Let him smile and be happy forever. The cooker was going off. Mom will take care of it. She takes care of everything. Bless her for it.
Sunitha Sunitha. The calls were getting more frantic ... as the trickle became a river ... swirling round her toes and gushing into the drain. The noises were slowly fading. Bang bang bang that was Nikhil at the door. Sunitha open the door. Right now. Sunitha. The bangings were getting more frantic.... but they were slowly fading into the background. Things were slowly getting quiet. She could feel nothing but peace. So this is peace ... this is oblivion .....finally I am free.
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