Sobre thoughts

Last week we received a call early in the morning. It was from India. Yogesh's kaka had suddenly taken ill and had been admitted to the hospital. It was quite a shock since kaka had always been in good health and was always up and running till this incident. Kaka has a son who lives in the US and both he and Yogesh were soon on their way to India. It was a tense day, unfortunately kaka passed away before they landed in India. This incident made me realise couple of things
1. Inspite of all the advances in medical history it is sometimes impossible to save someone's life. People smirk when we say 'fate' and 'luck'. But it seems like that to me. Kaka had an heart attack. With heart attacks the most critical moment is the time just after the first attack. In kaka's case we couldn't identify the first attack and then nothing could be done to save him. It was almost like his time had come and he decided to move on.
2. Plans cars buses trains ... marvellous inventions which have brought the world closer. Yet not fast enough for a son to reach his father. When we decided to make the move to another continent, we thought 'We can always reach India in 8 hours. That is not too far. We can always be there when they need us'. But on this day the 8 hours too were too long. This has made me think again about our stay out here. Our parents are not getting any younger. Will we be there in their time of need ?
3. Most of our lives we take relationships for granted. We never take time to tell people what they mean to us. Parents, partners, siblings, children, friends. We spend a lot of time fighting over issues and dealing with egos. Little do we realise the fraility of life. Something that is there now could be snuffed out in an instant. Then what do we do with all those words we meant to say but never said, those words we uttered but regretted.
4. Infact we never enjoy life as its meant to be enjoyed. I am always so worried about the future that I have no time for the present. Or I am always stuck in the past, past grieviances and past wrongs that I never enjoy today. Life does need planning, especially since we have responsibilities to fulfill. But sometimes we need to learn to let go too. There are things that you can't plan for.
5. Partner. My first thought was for kaki. They had been married for more than 30 years. They faced problems together and I am sure were each other's support system. Suddenly there is a void in her life. Yogesh had been away for 2 days now I am already feeling lonely. I have aki for company but I still miss Yogesh. And this knowing that he will back in a weeks time. We spend most of our waking hours bitterly fighting. Over finances, over Aki, over his parents, over my parents.. over anything and everything. I have taken his presence in my life for granted. There are days when I wish I were single again. I can't remember the last time I said I loved him or the last time I bought him a gift on a whim. First few years of marriage were fun, but slowly work and life took over and we grew apart. No time to enjoy each others company. The birth of Aki has also added to this. I am so obsessed with my son we hardly spend time together. But this incident has jolted me to my senses. Children finally leave the nest and then its back to your partner. I promise to myself This anniversary will be special.